Ranch Dressing

I'll admit it, carrot nibblers. I'm a ranch dressing junkie. It's been my favorite salad topper since I was a little girl. Now that I'm an adult, I would love to turn my nose up at the crass nature of this condiment-- I mean, people smear it on pizza, for chrissakes!

But... but... you guys... those pizza smearers are on to something! Ranch dressing is friggin' delicious. I love a good balsamic vinaigrette, I adore me some green goddess dressing, I'll often choose to douse my salad in a lovely (vegan) Caesar. But those are just flings. My one true love, the dressing to which I will always return, is ranch.
I blame our CSA for the renewal of my vows to ranch. No, truly-- it's the fault of that gorgeous box of amazingly fresh and local produce that comes to our house every week. As the weather has started to cool, our weekly box has been crammed with lettuces. Seriously, I got SIX heads of lettuce one week. Instead of grumbling about the lack of variety, my gal and I have embraced this challenge from Mother Nature. We've been eating a lot of salads.

And I've fallen back in love with my old friend ranch dressing. In honor of my commitment to the October Unprocessed project, I walked right by the glistening bottles of ranch dressing on my grocer's shelves. Well, actually, I picked up a bottle, read the ingredients, made a face and decided I was better off just not eating ranch dressing at all. There were unpronounceable chemical ingredients. There were partially hydrogenated oils. There was... fish? Yep, that's right-- one of the ingredients in a bottle of national-brand organic ranch dressing was anchovies!

WHAT'S A RANCH-LOVING VEGETARIAN TO DO?!

Oh, you guessed it. I made my own. And you can too. It's so easy! And guess what else? You can make ALL of it from scratch. Even the mayonnaise.

That's right, you're gonna make mayonnaise. Don't be nervous, you can do it. All you need is a bowl and a whisk, I swear. I mean, a hand mixer would speed things up a little and save your arm from some soreness, but if you're like me you'll add "hand mixer" to your kitchen wish list, roll up your sleeves and congratulate yourself for canceling that gym membership. Nothing builds biceps like a little vigorous hand-whisking.

After making the mayo, it's just a matter of chopping some herbs, sauteing some garlic and stirring things together. You'll be amazed how fast it all comes together. Plus it's super-versatile: aside from salads and pizzas, try using it as a dip on your next veggie platter. Experiment with adding flavors: a little crumbled bleu cheese stirred in makes a great (meatless) wing dipping sauce, a little chipotle powder makes a delicious taco dressing, a little fresh dill adds a Scandinavian flair.

What's the big lesson here, plant fiends? Even our most basic, most homey, most guilty-pleasure foods don't have to contain mystery ingredients or be heavily processed. You can indulge yourself and impress your friends with fresh, natural junk food!

Bain taitneamh as do bheil!

PREP TIME: about 30 minutes

COOKING TIME: 5 minutes

MAKES: 2 1/2 cups of dressing

INGREDIENTS:

for the mayonnaise (adapted from this Alton Brown recipe):

• 1 large egg yolk
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
• 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
• 1 cup canola oil (if you like your mayo to have an olive oil taste, use 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil and 1/2 cup canola oil)

for the dressing:

• 2 large garlic cloves, finely minced
• 1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 cup homemade mayonnaise
• 1 cup sour cream
• 1 tablespoon buttermilk
• 1 tablespoon finely minced fresh chives
• 2 teaspoons finely minced fresh oregano
• 1/2 teaspoon finely minced fresh thyme
• 1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
• sea salt & freshly cracked pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Make the mayonnaise: In a glass or ceramic bowl, whisk together egg yolk and salt. In a separate bowl, combine lemon juice and vinegar. Whisk half of the lemon juice & vinegar mixture into the egg yolk mixture.
2. Whisking very vigorously, add a few drops of the oil. Continue to whisk vigorously until the liquid lightens in color and begins to thicken. Begin to stream the rest of the oil into the mixture, whisking continuously.
3. After half of the oil has been whisked in, add the rest of the lemon juice & vinegar mixture. Continue streaming the rest of the oil into the mix, using those biceps to whisk thoroughly until a thick, jiggly mayonnaise develops.
4. Leave mayonnaise at room temperature while you assemble the rest of the dressing.
5. Place the minced garlic and 1 teaspoon of olive oil in a small frying pan. Turn flame to medium and gently saute the garlic until just fragrant, about 1 minute.
6. In a large non-metal bowl, stir together mayonnaise, sour cream, buttermilk, chives, oregano, thyme, lemon juice and sauteed garlic. Season to taste with sea salt and freshly cracked pepper. This dressing will last in the fridge for up to one week.
7. Take to work with your salad and impress your co-workers!